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Scenes We Love: The Big Sleep - Cinematical

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:19:00 -0500

Scenes We Love: The Big Sleep - Cinematical

"Joe Buck Pissed In My Shoes a short narrative by NakedReporta Back when I was 11 and living in St...."

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:51:23 -0500

“

Joe Buck Pissed In My Shoes
a short narrative by NakedReporta

Back when I was 11 and living in St. Louis, my parents decided I was too smart to be wasting my time in public schools and started seeking out private schools. The choice was eventually narrowed to two: John Burroughs and Country Day. I took the admittance test for each, but a kid I really hated from the public school I had attended was also trying to get into Burroughs, so I tanked that test.

Come fall, I was a seventh-grader at St. Louis Country Day School (known as CODASCO for short), whose famous alums include Vincent Price and John Danforth. And so began a year of sheer living hell. Most of the kids at CODASCO came from monied families, while I was this socially inept middle-class kid who wore the same Sears-bought suit every day. I was an immediate target.

One of my classmates was Joe Buck, the son of legendary Cardinals announcer Jack Buck. Joe was kind of a big, fat kid, but he had all the airs of social entitlement. Typical of the kind of stupid crap Buck would pull on me was to ask me if I “knew” my mother or to mock my attire. On more than one occasion, he was one of the ringleaders as five or six kids would decide to simultaneously throttle me.

But the final indignity came on a spring afternoon when we had gym class. We all changed into our standard-issue t-shirts and shorts and trotted out to the baseball field. All, that is, except Joe Buck, who bolted out of the locker room about a minute behind the rest. And when gym period was over, and we returned to the locker room, there were my Docksides-knockoff loafers, filled with the acrid stench of urine. Buck denied it, and the gym teacher didn’t really give a shiat.

I had to wear my gym sneakers the rest of the day, then tearfully explain to my parents about what had happened. They decided to press the issue, and it culminated in Joe and his mom and my mother and I all meeting with the headmaster. Joe denied it, I couldn’t prove it, and the headmaster made us shake hands. I knew the remaining months were only going to be worse. The group beatings and mockery intensified. I barely passed my way through the seventh grade, and the next year I was back in public school. The torment continued — hey, I was a real dork — but at least it was free.

Look, kids can do cruel things. Joe was looking to be one of the guys, and I was an easy mark. He couldn’t have any idea that my home life was simultaneously crumbling, and that what could have been a respite (time in school, away from home) was instead just compounding my nightmare. I suppose I should forgive the guy. But I can’t.

I’ve managed to slog through a pretty respectable career as a writer. Joe, with his family ties and — even I have to admit — considerable talent, is the voice of FOX Sports. And every time I watch a marquee sporting event on FOX, I can’t help but pause and reflect that, all those many years ago, that prick pissed in my shoes.

”

- http://www.fark.com/cgi/users.pl?login=NakedReporta

Scenes We Love: The Lady From Shanghai - Cinematical

Wed, 27 May 2009 19:08:40 -0500

Scenes We Love: The Lady From Shanghai - Cinematical

I’m really grumpy about the Dollhouse finale

Sat, 09 May 2009 21:38:58 -0500

I’m really grumpy about the Dollhouse finale:

Here’s why it sucked:

Throughout the entire season Alpha is billed as their resident boogeyman – he’s brilliant, he’s deadly, and he’s out there somewhere plotting his revenge. And then he…

via www.slashfilm.com

Wed, 06 May 2009 08:10:03 -0500

via www.slashfilm.com

Annals of Innovation: How David Beats Goliath: Reporting & Essays: The New Yorker

Mon, 04 May 2009 10:48:43 -0500

Annals of Innovation: How David Beats Goliath: Reporting & Essays: The New Yorker

AMERICAblog News| A great nation deserves the truth: Republican congresswoman says Matthew Shepard's murder was "a hoax"

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:36:42 -0500

AMERICAblog News| A great nation deserves the truth: Republican congresswoman says Matthew Shepard's murder was "a hoax":

Fucking disgusting.

Steven Soderbergh Praises James Cameron’s Avatar | /Film

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:29:40 -0500

Steven Soderbergh Praises James Cameron’s Avatar | /Film

The Pulitzer-winning investigation that dare not be uttered on TV - Glenn Greenwald - Salon.com

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 09:02:29 -0500

The Pulitzer-winning investigation that dare not be uttered on TV - Glenn Greenwald - Salon.com

Why do black people love chicken?

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 14:03:04 -0500

Why do black people love chicken?

New Rhymefest mixtape is wonderful/horrible, awesome/unforgivable | Music | A.V. Club

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:18:05 -0500

New Rhymefest mixtape is wonderful/horrible, awesome/unforgivable | Music | A.V. Club:

Raises an interesting issue.

Goodbye to the Age of Newspapers (Hello to a New Era of Corruption)

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:21:21 -0500

Goodbye to the Age of Newspapers (Hello to a New Era of Corruption)

Scenes from the zoo - The Big Picture - Boston.com

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 12:42:41 -0500

Scenes from the zoo - The Big Picture - Boston.com:

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

"Hey America, just thought I’d give you a check-in from up here in Canada. We’re all gay..."

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 20:16:30 -0500

“Hey America, just thought I’d give you a check-in from up here in Canada. We’re all gay up here, socializing like there’s no tomorrow, feasting on the corpses of the wealthy and forcefully aborting the babies of anyone who calls themselves a Christian. I gotta get back to the f*ck-pile, but I just wanted to say that I’m glad you’ve decided to throw away all your values and become more like us! Whooooo!”

- FARK.com: (4326477) Franken the winner of the Minnesota Senate race. For now

Major change

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 20:55:14 -0500

Major change:

Jumping on the back of the soon to come ironic t-shirt website (@ ironictshirtcomedy.com) I’m moving the blog over to a new server so thewedge.wordpress.com won’t be active anymore, instead use…

My theory about why Americans don’t like soccer

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 15:54:52 -0500

My theory about why Americans don’t like soccer:

Another thought I had that was just a little too long for Twitter.

We seem to like our sports to be episodic (for lack of a better word). Think about basketball, baseball, and football, all have…

tweenbots | kacie kinzer

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 14:15:32 -0500

tweenbots | kacie kinzer

Mythbusters Rocket car pancake (via Spikerman87)

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 11:16:38 -0500

Mythbusters Rocket car pancake (via Spikerman87)

http://digg.com/u1cwc

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 18:24:03 -0500

http://digg.com/u1cwc

A bit too long for Twitter

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 19:37:01 -0500

A bit too long for Twitter:

Just a thought I had as the Yankees blow their opener (also, terrible umpiring re: the non-call on fan interference in the 8th inning. You have replay for a reason, assholes, and it’s a critical…